I realize now in my older years that I was likely one of the last generations to grow up on a farm. The lessons in that place were many and varied. For instance, don't gather eggs if you are afraid of snakes. Or, if there is an old tractor out in the pasture that has been there for years DO NOT spray paint questionable cuss words on it as you never know when granny might sell it; possibly even before the paint is dry. That old thing had set out there rusting for years, what a

Nothing says I love you like a big wet kiss on the lips before leaving for work. I rise early enough I must get mine the night before. Not unlike a ripe banana and a jar of peanut butter in your lunch box it gives us a sense of security. I will parse this idea with the question of the day which is, what is the determining factor that decides if that feeling lasts a lifetime or fades quickly? I have always heard people say that their marriage feels like work. This is likely be

My son came home from work not so long ago and told me that he was working with a girl with a two-fold problem. When I asked him to elaborate, he said (and I quote) that "she was a pot head and a drama queen rolled into one." This is a lethal combination, I know because I too have encountered more than one person like this in my lifetime. I should also add that this weird attribute could also be attributed to men as well. My wife and I however have a multifaceted problem whic

It seems the role of dogs has changed over the years. Back in the day dogs were used for utilitarian purposes like hunting, personal protection, and sometimes steering cattle in the right direction. In short, they were like a mountain climbing Jeep with knobby tires and were usually covered in mud. These days they are regarded more like a $300,000 Bentley you drive one time per year on your birthday, and only then on clean pavement. When given the state of dog food comme

Almost nothing in life is for certain. The only thing we are compelled to do by natural law is live, die, and pay taxes. Which leaves us with the age-old question, why are we here? My dad was famous, (or infamously) known for saying the following: " The meaning of life is the pursuit of the meaning of life." This means the task is never complete. I hate the thought of lying there in my caskets with a furrowed brow and my head resting on that frilly mock pillow, still contempl

Have you ever seen those medical case studies where people are addicted to heroin? Any time a person partakes in their drug of choice their brains light up like a child's Lite Brite toy. My drug of choice (evidently) is cheeseburgers, which may not be without its risks but at least it's legal. I suppose a person who had a wretched childhood cannot be blamed for trying to dull those memories, but to what end? I have always contended that any adult who cannot even take care of

When I was a kid, I occasionally became aware of a new law that would make the Okie alarms sound off in my head. Back then it seemed like those laws only came down the pike every ten years or so. Now days it seems like there is a perplexing new law every time I turn around. It also seems that the new one is more confounding than the last. Please enjoy my twisted take on the following new Oklahoma laws. #1) TOPLESS IN OKLAHOMA If you hail from the "free love" generation,

How many insurance commercials have you seen over the years that use the catch phrase " peace of mind?" When I was just a tike my dad did a stint with Prudential selling life insurance and their hook was " get a piece of the rock." I was confused about just exactly what rock they were speaking of. I am now 58 years old, and I still don't know so maybe age has nothing to do with it. We are all aware that when we begin speaking of health insurance there is no need for tricky w

In a parking lot last week, I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Bigfoot doesn't believe in you either." In the same lot I saw one that had an outline of the beast that was in rainbow colors, does that mean if he is ever found his shoes will match his purse? Or does it just mean we will soon see him riding on the Judy Garland float in the next pride parade? Do you suppose that people who live around Lockless are also ate to the bone with the existence of Nessie? The questions t

I'm not sure about you but when I think about my childhood I smile a lot. It may be the time that I decided I was a good enough skateboarder that I could negotiate the steep grade hill we lived on, and then mom spent two hours digging gravel out of my leg. Often as kids we are not dealing with a full deck. I was all of twelve years old when I was offered a job at a local restaurant where my brother already worked. Now, allow me to stipulate, technically that could be a violat

One who is perplexed might ask, what is the difference between testosterone and estrogen? Well, that's simple, testosterone makes you do dicey things like climb atop a 2,000-pound bull without any regard for the welfare of your spine. Estrogen makes you long for an over-abundance of throw pillows on your bed and causes you to tear up during Bridgette Jones movies. There are specific differences between the separation of men and woman that go far beyond chemical compositions,

To say that life is a gamble may be the understatement of the century. At my job we have a truck driver that as a child was struck by tragedy in his early life, a plane crashed into an inferno next to his home at Tinker Air Force Base in Midwest City Oklahoma and he was badly burned. Now fast forward some sixty years and he is fighting cancer. Where is the justice? It seems that hate, discontent, and tragedy should be shared equally with all of us, not just rained down on a c

When you have been bitten by the "tight" bug you will know it. It's when you remember the last time a 12oz can of soda took a 10-cent jump clearly, but you cannot remember what you had for lunch yesterday. If you are not naturally as tight as bark on a tree like I am, it's a pretty hard trait to learn. The last time I checked OSU does not offer a " Tightass #101" course in their economics department. Which by the way I COULD teach, teaching certificate notwithstanding. I coul

Do you find yourself in a hurry and feeling stressed often? Have you ever taken the time to ask yourself why? Allow me to take that thought just one step further and ask this question, "have you ever considered that the only person you are in competition against is YOURSELF?" I grew up in a home where I was raised primarily by my mom and grandma and there wasn't time to be competitive, they were too busy trying to keep their head above water financially. So, one might say I

As with all things, the difference between shoe buying practices when comparing men to women are night and day. In order to understand these differences, we must first examine for a moment just how each gender perceives their own feet. You'll never catch a man drawing attention to his feet like a woman does. You will never catch a man painting his toenails hot pink, slipping on a toe ring, or adorning his ankle with jewelry. That's because men mostly have ugly feet and we tre

I have so many questions regarding the homeless. Why do we tiptoe around the subject? Why are there so many more now than when I was a kid? Does that mean that drug problems are just worse now? Why is that it is not inherently against the law to be homeless, but many other laws tend to throw the problem under the proverbial bus like it being unlawful to sleep in public areas and being shewed away from bust intersections? If this is really the case, I'm pretty sure I have brok

A salty old welder from Owasso once told to me , "There aren't many new ideas under the sun." I think what he meant was there were very few thoughts that can be on par with a lightbulb moment. It seems I never had a pencil stuck in my overalls pocket when he laid the big quotes on me. Then he said something I wish I had written down, and it went something like this, " life is the time between sunrise and sunset when we contemplate the great unknown." When you think about it

It wasn't so many moons ago my wife took me in tow with her to our local mall. These places are not what they used to be. Back in the day they were considered safe places to hang out, that's not really the case anymore. These days they have been known to attract gang violence. Back in the 80's all you needed was food money, now you have to know how to flash gang signs and be aware of what colors are safe to wear. But (with the exception of my wife) women still love these plac

Granny always told me that a man with body odor MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be able to smell himself. I'll take that narrative one step further...

An I-phone is nothing more than a guarantee that you will never be left alone again. I assume the younger generation doesn't give wit...