Dogs

It seems the role of dogs has changed over the years. Back in the day dogs were used for utilitarian purposes like hunting, personal protection, and sometimes steering cattle in the right direction. In short, they were like a mountain climbing Jeep with knobby tires and were usually covered in mud. These days they are regarded more like a $300,000 Bentley you drive one time per year on your birthday, and only then on clean pavement.

When given the state of dog food commercials it seems as though they also eat better than humans. Just for fun sometime look at the stark difference between ingredients like the Funyuns and The Farmer's Dog. The latter has all fresh ingredients like beef, chicken, and fresh vegetables. Funyuns have ingredients that hard to determine their origin, not to mention pronounce. Items like Monosodium Glutamate, dextrose, and hydrogenated proteins make up most American snacks. It should be pointed out in seriousness and in jest that if said ingredients are not naturally reoccurring in nature, we probably shouldn't be ingesting them. It seems it has become the compulsory American way to shove anything into our pie holes that gives us instant gratification and that includes meth. But remember, as I point my index finger at you three are pointed back at me because I am equally guilty. I regularly kid smokers about dying too young but at least their vice is low fat.

In the 70's we would have NEVER considered spending money on a pet the way the younger generation does today. Just yesterday I heard my sister-in-law talking about taking her dog to a skin specialist. I usually just giggle to myself about such conversations because I don't want to be regarded as a tool. I suppose in some small way I am that guy but there is no sense advertising it. That and the fact that the younger generation is so easily offended. Although it's not the right frame of mind I do consider anyone that lives their life outside of certain boundaries as absurd. Many young folks consider their pets as their children, which is understandable because many of them have opted not to have kids. Back in the day we would have never known if our pooch had cancer, let alone take him for a round of chemotherapy. I understand that there are now health plans you can purchase for your pets, what's next, puppy psychologist? My poor mother had all she could do to merely keep mac-n-cheese on the dinner table; she could have never afforded such nonsense. I'm pretty sure the funds available for chemo were not even on the table for me and I am a human the last time I checked.

It wasn't so long ago that I was out walking in the neighborhood and saw one of those signs with a little box attached that contains rubber gloves and reminds people to clean up after their dogs. I do appreciate the sediment in that nobody really enjoys stepping in a fresh steamy pile of doggy doo, but I must still laugh at the absurd implications. This puts me in mind of the Seinfeld bit that goes something like this: "If you see two people, one is taking a crap and the other is cleaning it up, who will you assume is in charge?" Is there anyone besides me still left out there who is hesitant to be subservient to a mutt? What exactly is there to be gained by such a strange action? Is there a scripture somewhere that I overlooked?

My wife sometimes house and dog sets for friends when they are out of town. Now, I get the part where she likes to go over there and hang, their digs are much swankier than ours. And remember, the reality of each moment we live is everything. But the lengths these people will go to (even when they are out of town) to make sure their dog continues to remain spoiled is a little ridiculous. This poor dog is a high breed, which essentially means he is so strangely bred he essentially has everything in the world wrong with him from a medical standpoint. In short, his family tree doesn't fork. He has pills laid out that he has to take by the hour because he is allergic to everything. AGAIN, back to the eighties, when did you ever hear anyone say, "my dog is allergic to (fill in the blank)?" I'm thinking never. So when did this weird phenomenon begin?

When I was a child, my pets were not even allowed indoors. We had one black mutt that spent so much time lying under our tractor he affectionately became known as "old oily." You couldn't even pet him without your hands looking like you had just greased the front end of your F-150. In addition, we had cats, quite a few in fact. The exact count of just how many there was a little hard to ascertain because they all resided under our brush hog and if you ever tried to pick one up, they would claw your face off because they were wilder than a March hair. In addition, they were never fed, their only job was to keep snakes and mice out of the barn and if they failed in that job they were destined to starve to death. Did these actions make us cruel? I never thought so, but I assume reality can change.