The Sleeping Divorce

I don't believe in divorced if it can be helped. I figure if you pinky swear in front of your parents and kinfolk to stay together forever you should honor that. These days many young couples hit just one marital speed bump, and they are ready to call the whole thing off like they just got bucked off a mad bull. My wife and I however just got a divorce of sorts, a sleeping divorce that is. It was sad but ultimately necessary. When I get through laying out the parameters about why she is no longer a suitable sleeping partner you will think I made it up. I can assure you, it's not. My wife is a lovely person, beautiful to the eye, sweet to the core, and I love her with my heart, soul, and mind. I'd gladly reveal to her my deepest secrets in life like my pin number and I'd gladly give her a kidney if she needed one. But while in REM sleep, she has become a nightmare that would rival Freddy Kruger.

During our conversation about me moving into the spare bedroom she obviously became weepy and sad. And I of course tried to reassure her that things we fine between us. The fact was, that neither of us had obtained any decent sleep in months and it was beginning to take a toll on our well-being. By now we have all seen the medication ads about RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), but my wife suffers from RBS (Restless Body Syndrome). During deep sleep her body contorts, twitches, and she moves like she is swimming the back stroke. Add to that a sprinkling of snoring (that we both do) and you have a recipe for disaster. In life we are pals until the end of time, but we can longer be buddies between the sheets, at least not while attempting to sleep.

People who fall asleep quickly, stay asleep easily, and awaken refreshed don't usually consider how important this exercise is. I used to be one of these people until I felt as though I was trying to catch 40 winks with the likes of Mike Tyson. Sleep is much more important than an involuntary action brought on by melatonin. I'd love to get the woman interested in a sleep study, but I cannot dial the number for her, she must first be willing.

Sleeping is more than just away to forget about the troubles of the day and prepare yourself for tomorrow. Sleep is how we put ourselves back on the map physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It is little wonder that young parents often feel like they are losing their minds when babies have their days and nights mixed up. Sleeping is as important as any other action verb that end in ING. Talking, walking, eating, and balking all hinge on our success or failure at sleeping. It should also be pointed out in seriousness and in jest that we cannot CATCH UP on sleep, we either get it at the time it is presented to us, or it passes us by. Think of sleep like the foundation to your home, if it is sound it could last for years. But if the concrete is crumbling and porous the home will eventually fail. The truth is, if we fail to master sleep chances are everything else, we try in life will also eventually fail.