I hear it all the time from people who know me well that I am a lover of words, I suppose it's true. I wouldn't say I have a grandiose vocabulary, and I'm not a huge fan of what my dad referred to eight-cylinder words. That being said some words are curious and hard to define. When it comes to words used correctly or even incorrectly, I am a bit like a sponge. I find that making up my own words is a lot of fun, and the upside of that is if you invent them, you can spell them any way you want. I have family members that are journalism majors and know all the rules for English #101. They follow them with a strict code, where if broken could get you ten lashes with a Thesaurus, which may be a dinosaur from the Mesozoic era, the jury is still out on that. See what I mean when I say words can be confusing? If scholars of the English language were not trying to purposely confuse us why would comb be spelled with a "B" or knead with a "K." And tell me will you, what crackpot decided what the correct spelling would be for Wednesday? If I feel there is a need for a natural break in a sentence I use a comma, no matter what the powers that be say. I think I can hear English scholars turning over in their graves as we speak. In addition, I am not above using more than one explanation point at the end of a sentence to get my point across!! See what mean? I don't necessarily like stepping over the line, but I find stepping on is exhilarating. You can be arrested for either offence by the language police, but both are worth the risk.
Earlier today on the side of an air-conditioning truck I saw these words, reverse osmosis. That sounds to me like a trip to the bathroom gone wrong. Also, have you ever pondered the definition of the word rectory? Wikipedia says it's the residence of someone in the clergy, but is it really? Every time I hear that word for some reason, I tend to flinch like someone has broken off a glass thermometer in my keister. Somewhere over on the North-Eastern seaboard there is probably a pack of professors that are laughing hysterically about a joke only they are privy to. In England they also use the word Bumbershoot to describe an umbrella. Strange but true. This got me to thinking about how often we are confused by the definition of a word or a combination of words. The word may sound questionable, but is it? What about the word Bangkok? I won't elaborate further on that; I will just let you ruminate in peace. Figuring out strange words is not unlike saying that the meaning of life is the pursuit of the meaning of life. It's a redundant chore that's never complete, but it's fun task like a dog that chases its own tail. Here is a fun word to consider, anal-retentive. This could be someone who could be driven to madness simply because there is a spoon where only the forks are supposed to be, or possibly a trip to the proctologist gone wrong. Just pray the doc has good depth perception.
So please enjoy my top ten list of English words gone terribly wrong (or are they):
#10) Uranus, half the size of Jupiter, twice as fun to say.
#9) Hammertoe, this is either a medical condition that affects the feet or a code word for a workman's comp case at a construction site.
#8) Mastication, this is either the scientific term for food chewing or a word used to describe how prehistoric elephants made babies.
#7) Angina, this is a medical term for describing mild chest pains, but somewhere there may be a gynecologist scratching his head.
#6) Cowhand, this is either a term used to describe a person who works cattle or a birth defect where the hand ends up growing a hoof.
#5) Jerkinhead, this refers to a roof that is only partly gabled, or it could be my high school class president.
#4) Dongle, a wireless broadband hookup cable device, uh huh; sure, it is.
#3) Diphthong, this is either a reference to two adjacent vowel sounds within the same syllable or a poor wardrobe choice for your teenage daughter.
#2) Poop Deck, Wikipedia says this is the roof of a cabin on a ship, just what exactly is going on up there? This is how cultured I am, the first time I heard the term was from a Yosemite Sam cartoon.
#1) Nicker Pecker, this is an old English word referring to a woodpecker, that could only come to pass in a place where they refer to pencil erasers as rubbers.
Tallyho!!
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