I consider myself a steward of life, that is to say that I don't see myself as naive and there isn't often much that happens within the dregs of society that shocks me. Human nature is at best elusive and at its worst diabolical. Because I originate from pretty good stock, my parents taught me most of the parameters that work, or don't work in dealing with people. Although, sometimes I prefer the company of dogs and house plants simply because they are more loyal, not to mention predictable. My mother has an easy-breezy way of talking to people that makes them comfortable enough to spill their guts. My dad (God rest his soul) had a razor-sharp wit that had a way of cutting directly though the BS of life and getting straight to the problem at hand. I figure this combination makes me at the very least semi-well-rounded and generally ready for whatever is thrown in my direction.
One day I found myself in a dicey part of West Tulsa that closely borders a truck stop for lunch. Now keep in mind I just said it was noon, not midnight. In an attempt to leave a diner a Lot Lizard (that is trucker speak for a west side prostitute for those of you not familiar with the lingo) opened my passenger side door, jumped up in the front seat, and said in a "3 pack a day" voice, "hey baby, you want to party." Now that's an interesting question, just exactly what did she mean by the term party? Did she have a backpack full of birthday candles, noise makers, and some of those funny cone shaped paper hats? No, she did NOT. And I think I can assume we all understand what she meant. She was implying that we do the dance with no pants, the horizontal mambo, the... well you get the idea. By the shape of this woman's body, I figured her to be in her mid-twenties, but I have seen better looking heads on a mug of beer. It was painfully obvious to me that she had been doing copious amounts of meth. I said a quick NO to her request to party because of three factors: #1) I am married which automatically disqualifies me from partaking in such nefarious activities, #2) I was quickly transported in my mind to an episode of the television show COPS where everyone is wearing a wire but interestingly nobody is wearing a shirt, and #3) and last but not least I did some quick math in my head and figured out that one afternoon with her would likely equal at least three trips to the free clinic. I figured whatever she was carrying around probably wouldn't come off with a can of Comet cleanser. That stuff is great for scrubbing sinks, but it cannot absolve us of the sins of our youth, for that you need a priest. I used my people skills and told her she was going to need to exit my vehicle quickly or I was going to have to assist her, and not necessarily in a polite manner. The point of this story is its sort of perplexing just how many times we are imposed on by the fringes of society even when we are just minding our own business, which I am often known to do. Understand, in no way do I feel like I am better than that poor young woman, God deliberately created both of us. It's just that her life choices have not panned out as well as mine, which could either be kismet of just a bit of dumb luck on my part. Our lives tricky, but our destinies are sticky, especially in her case.
Not so long ago I received a phone call from a friend of mine that I have done trucking business with her forever. She always makes me laugh and she often makes me think, these are the kinds of friends we should have in life. Please allow me to change the names to protect the innocent. We will call my friend Anna, and her husband that works with her we will call Wayne. Wayne and Anna share an office and have had for some time which I call brave. Just keep in mind that means that these two people are spending 24/7 together which requires not only a strong marriage but also a lot of what I call intestinal fortitude. In other words, unless he is taking a whizz, she is in his hip pocket. My wife takes offence to cracks like that but truly, how can we miss someone if they never go away? That's not a dig, it's a fact. Not so long-ago Wayne had words with a fellow employee who is a person who is known to be... well let's just be polite and call him difficult. This nasty fellow runs with a gang of other truckers who can only be described as ruffians. At some point there were a lot of expletives thrown around but this in no way ended the feud. The next morning Anna and Wayne came into their office only to find that Wayne's desk was covered in (at least at that point) an unknown yellow liquid substance which in the end they figured out was human urine. Evidently, this fellow thought the best way to end this argument was to whip out his manhood and relieve himself on Wayne's desk while he was out of the office. WHAT?! I thought this kind of unadvised activity only happed on wildlife shows and death row lockdowns where they have to cover inmate's heads with mesh nettings to keep them from spitting. It is one thing for such an activity to cross someone's mind, it's quite another for it to be carried out and is a staunch reminder that some of us are human and others have no couth.
I have since phoned Wayne to see if he would like to receive a "urinal block of the month" club membership. If a man took the time to carefully drill some holes in the top, it could easily double as a pencil holder. This story has an update, as Waye went to the companies HR department to report the incident as ANY of us would. When the employee in question was asked if he was the responsible party he quickly coped to the infraction and gleefully said "given the opportunity he would gladly do it again." That's a direct quote folks. This is just one more reminder that the world is full of animals! I am under the assumption that his termination is pending, or if it's not it should be.
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