You Bought That??

For some reason I am very in tune to the spending habits of those in my circle. This is likely because I am very in tune to my own. In addition to paying particular attention to what I buy, I also like to be mindful of being a good steward of what I have been blessed with. I have been referred to as tight as bark on a tree, or a wedge-ass, but the truth is that probably doesn't even come close to describing my particular monetary affliction. I have even been told that I squeak when I walk. I have cut the bottom out of clothes soap containers so as not to waste just enough soap to cover one load of laundry. I have taken rubber spatulas to the inside of peanut butter jars in order to get just one more sandwich out of them. I have even been seen (even though I tried to keep it quiet) taking a rolling pin to the end of a tube of toothpaste even though they still only cost a dollar. I recently was able to make a disposable razor last some nine months; there is no telling how many shaves that equals as I lost count. AND I am still in possession of an alarm clock that was given to me as a high school graduation present in May of 1986, in case your math skills are off that item is now forty years old and I might add, it still works like a champ! I recently reached out to the man that gifted it to me as a joke and told him that it has now crapped out on me and wanted to see if he might still have the receipt so I could return it for a refund.

So, as you can see, to me life is not only about being careful with money but also being careful with the things we buy with our money. It is true money cannot buy happiness, but it should be pointed out that it could rent it for a while. This logic just stands to reason knowing how hard it is these days to stretch a dollar. Not so long ago I was behind a man in the drive through at McDonalds. Yes, I too on occasion partake in the devil's cuisine. This dude in front of me in line made me laugh and here is why. The window motor on his F-150 was obviously toast because he was using the app on his phone to get a discount on a sack of burgers, and I saw him have to open the door in order to reach the cashier. His phone was one of the most expensive on the market today and I only know that because I have been pricing them lately. He undoubtedly had enough money in hand for fast food. And when he opened his door a green fog of pot smoke wafted my direction like he had Jeff Spicoli in toe. I imagined his whole cab probably smelled like Tommy Chong's index finger. What I found interesting about this case study about money is that he didn't blink an eye about spending money on top shelf weed, greasy fast food, and high-end technology, but it seemed like an afterthought (or even unthinkable) for him to get his window fixed. Priorities obviously vary from person to person. This tells me that most things in life come down to nothing more than choices and as American's we regularly make the wrong ones. What do you expect from the people who brought you the wave at football games and Jello shots?

In my junior and senior years of high school I joined up with a bunch of custom harvesters. You would be surprised how many old farmers are often in the mood to plant their wheat, but when the time came to do the harvest, they would opt to let a bunch of us half-baked high schoolers reap it for them at the right price. It probably has a lot to do with the temperature outside. We worked the ground pretty hard from May to August and regularly got work from just north of Dallas all the way to North Dakota. While logging many hours behind the wheel of a combine things that family members had said to me regularly churned in my head. My grandpa on my dad's side would often tell me that I needed to keep a minimum of $25,000 in my savings at all times. My question was this; "hey Pappy, why so much?" His answer was simple, because you never know what life is going to throw at you. Summer harvesting wasn't just a lot of fun and a lot of work, it was also an American microcosm of how we SHOULDN'T conduct our lives. It's pretty shocking just how far a little testosterone can lower a group of young men's IQ. In every small town we came upon those boys could sniff out a strip joint. In the words of Ron White, "a lot of things smell like strippers." And of course, those boys regularly would go through a whole paycheck on a Sunday night and then want to borrow money from me for breakfast on Monday morning. Jackasses!! What am I bank!? So, I suppose it is safe to say that even back then I was tight. I have never figured out if it was a learned sickness or if I was born with it. I suppose it makes no difference as it is a family trait I am stuck with, not unlike ingrown toenails or hammer toe. Hammer Toe, by the way is a condition, not a way to describe a construction site accident.

My former mother-in-law was a hard-working woman in her younger days. Doing everything from cleaning houses to grooming dogs she made money in life by the sweat of her brow. Over the years, however due to poor choices on her daughters' parts she basically kissed goodbye all of her savings. An old saying often runs through my head when thinking about situations like that and it goes something like this: "A poor choice on your part doesn't necessarily institute an emergency on mine." I blame her not for bailing those girls out of a jam ONCE, but after that it should be their problem, not Her's. One might say her daughters screwed up her well laid plans, others might say it's her own fault for not making them stand on their own two feet any time trouble came around. Either way you lean at this point doesn't really matter at this point; because the fact is the old lady is financially broken. She recently signed up to do a reverse mortgage on her home in order to have a small amount of cash on hand in her waning years. These types of mortgage deals are really no deal at all. But it is set up for people just like her, people in a pinch. And of course, the fallout on these kinds of deals won't fall due until she is dead, so one might say that the hens will come home to roost in the home of her kids. It's all at the same time a bad idea and bordering on pure genius depending on your point of view. But I don't think anyone would argue the fact that those girls deserve whatever is headed their way.