Combining Businesses

One day, not so long ago on this big blue rock we call earth I happened upon one of those bizarre hair removal places. I have no idea who owns these places, but I have it in mind that they might be mildly reminiscent of Surge on movie Beverly Hills Cop where his accent is just off enough that you cannot tell where he is from. When I say these places are off-putting, I am talking mostly about the smell. Most American businesses will let you know (smell-wise) as soon as you walk by them what they are. For instance, a burger place will often smell like onion rings or fries. Places like Lowes usually smell of things like rough cedar. But when you walk by a waxing place the scent is hard to determine. And women are enthralled with flowery scents. Do you really think Bed, Bath, and Beyond and the Tony Awards would exist if it were not for women and gay men? In addition, next time you have all the female members of your family gathered around the kitchen table on Thanksgiving take a poll and see how many of them dig Febreze. In the words of Ron White; "a lot of things smell like strippers."

At the time of happening upon this business, I had the thought that maybe it would be possible to join together one of those places with a Hair Club for Men. Do those places still exist? Oh well, just for shits and giggles let's pretend that they do. Nothing would go to waste. Just imagine that the hair removed from the lip of a Kardashian today could be sewn into your scalp tomorrow. By the way, the jury is still out on which one of those girls is the hairiest, but I'd bet a dime and a donut it's Kim. I often wonder if anyone besides myself have ever contemplated that a man who attempts to cover his balding head with anything except a ball cap is about as subtle as putting a bean bag chair over a grape juice stain on white shag carpet. I have always told my wife if I'm ever left with what I call "the old man hair ring" I'll just shave it all off and call it a day. It wasn't so long one of the young bucks I work with wanted to know how I could possibly have more hair than him at my age. I let him know it has nothing to do with age; it's a genetic hand and he was delt a bad one.

Just think of your body as a plantation you own. How many things naturally fall off of the human body in a day we could financially benefit from and essentially have no use for. Keep in mind that Charles Manson in order to pass the time in his cell weaved things like snakes and spiders out of his own hair. It may be a creepy notion but at least nothing went to waste. In addition to that, how many things do we forcibly remove, clip, shave, tweeze, and scrape from our bodies in a months' time. In the words of another comedian (Jerry Seinfeld) "if the human body were a car nobody would buy one", there is far too much maintenance involved. It has occurred to me more than once that we could bottle human sweat and use it as a base for making Gatorade. I mean it already taste like it; it might as well be that.

In my hometown I worked for and old man that was a welder whose sign out front read "Smalley Welding Service & Tax Preparation." Just for the record I never saw him prepare any taxes. But the thought ran in the family of having something to fall back on because his son's business sign read "Smalley's Taxidermy & Auto Repair." While I never saw him change out anyone's water pump, but I have to believe he had the skills to do so. Wouldn't it be fun to see an old lesbian couple buy a bait shop or a 90-year-old man start a karate studio?