Drama

How many of you have friends and relatives who can take something small and blow it way out of proportion? We all have that one friend who claims while cutting their toenails they accidently cut their foot off. I too am one of those individuals who likes to stretch the truth to the full extent of the law, although I only usually do so on paper. Whether or not that can be considered a white lie or not may just depend on your perspective, just remember, I am a professional; even though I get paid nothing.

If the president of any corporation is caught in lie, that's not considered a lie, that's referred to as an executive privilege. Speaking of extremes, we all have that one family member that suffers from hypochondria. No matter how mild the symptoms are, they will claim it's killing them. I know a woman who claims she has all the classic symptoms of testicular cancer, but before that can happen don't you first have to have "testiculars?" I put the word testiculars in the last sentence in quotes because I happily made that word up. You should try it sometime; it's fun. All of you English majors can send your rebuttal replies to my (already stuffed full) inbox. I will be sure to give them their due... or maybe I won't.

We are all familiar with the term drama queen. However, using queen in context with that word would indicate that only women let themselves get pissy and winey on any given day which we all know is untrue. I try not to use the term sexist as the American media have passed that term around more often than a goatskin flask at a Grateful Dead concert. I often wonder if I will be grateful when I'm dead. I work with a drama queen who is a man here in Tulsa. In this context I use the word "MAN" loosely because in reality he is just a pestilent little crybaby. The only thing on him that is bigger than his sorry attitude is his gigantic combover. He is the type of person who will try to throw you under the bus at every turn. Even though we try our best to avoid each other it sometimes is unavoidable. We have exchanged words on many occasions, evidently, he didn't like any of mine. The beautiful part of the relationship however is that I outrank him by a long shot. Not so long ago I told him the following (and I quote) "if I don't like the way you are doing your job, I'll let you know, if you don't like the way I am doing mine you should write your congressman."

On the topic of drama, the knowledge I have tried to pass on to my son is; pick your battles carefully. Just make sure if you die on a hill make sure it's a hill of your choice. The truth is most things people get their panties in a twist about are usually not worth their time. I can only thank the good Lord I have no more reason to date because the first time a woman tossed some drama my way I'd leave skid marks in her driveway like Speed Racer on a bender. I can proudly say without hesitation she is the least drama filled person I know. Not so long ago I mentioned to her that she is mentally wired more like a man than any woman I had ever known. When she said to me, "that doesn't sound like a compliment" I told her it was actually the ultimate compliment. Most married men's biggest complaint is that their wives bust their balls over things they have little control over. When I mentioned to some of my co-workers how chill my wife is, my boss suggested that I double check her plumbing cause she (and I quote) "might just be a dude." Trust me, Ive been married to the woman for 20 years, if there were anything off with her plumbing I'd know by now. Or, at least, I'd like to think I would.

What is it about drama that repels some people and others it draws in like a moth to a porch light? It seems that some folks thrive on stirring the pot. Some folks don't care if they draw negative attention, they just like the attention in whatever form it comes in. When I was growing up, I had a stepsister that fell under that category. I often described her like a toothache you could never get rid of. These people are extraordinarily problematic, especially if you don't have the authority to hoist them out of your zip code. So, the question of the day becomes this, why is it some people tend to put up with this kind of nonsense? From my point of view the answer is simple I DON'T, I CAN'T, AND I WON'T!

Cops and psychologist are trained to deal with these types of problems, and it sounds like it's way above my pay grade. The truth is, if you are out on a ledge and have decided that your life is hopeless and that you are going to jump, I have no hope of convincing you otherwise. Be careful my friends, that ledge is slippery.