The Gambling Bug

My wife was recently put on a medication to help her with restless leg syndrome. It claims that two possible side effects are (and I quote) "heightened sex drive and the possibility of developing a gambling addiction." I can most certainly deal with the effects of the sex drive on my own; on the second problem we might just need to get her car low jacked. Many moons ago I worked with a welder who had mentioned to me that he had done the necessary math and knew when a slot machine was going pay dividends. Or as the compulsive gamblers like to say, "they know when it's going to PAY OFF." You cannot possibly understand that this line of thinking is bunk unless you are cynic like me. He claimed that certain slot machines pay off at certain times on the same days of the week. Well, if it were truly that simple wouldn't everyone be doing it instead of working a full-time job?

Slot machines are run on computer algorithms that could rival any high-tech gadgetry owned by NASA. Don't start thinking that you are simply going to put pencil to paper and put them out of business. If you have ever seen the movie "Oceans 11" you might begin to understand the kind of high-tech systems, we are talking about. True, that this is a Hollywood version, but it is as close as we are going come to understanding it in real life. White men may have snatched the Indians land out from under them, but I'd say they are getting it back one painful quarter at a time. It seems that they may no longer have a need for beaver pelts.

The thing that is most perplexing about the compulsive gambler is that they look around at all of these nice casino surroundings and still can't see that the odds are in the hotel's favor. If these places were not making money hand over fist they wouldn't have the money for honeymoon suites, wall to wall carpet, and top shelf margaritas. Instead, you'd be staying in a room that is reminiscing of a POW camp, making number two over a Lowe's bucket, and drawing drinking water out of a horse tank filled with Alge. There is a reason why the Wynn Hotel in Vegas charges $60 for their dinner buffet. Do you know why they do it? It's because they CAN. Finding the (in the words of Jim Gaffigan) "source of all bacon" costs money. Are you aware also that excess defines Vegas and that 50 tons of wasted food from their local buffets is delivered to local pig farms every day? Swallow that!