In some American venues there should be more rules, of course they are few and far between, but they do exist. Case in point, one time while working in a downtown Tulsa construction site back in the late 80's some guys with little couth and no idea about the rules of society would cat-call women in stockings and skirts. In that particular venue I have seen the women in question do everything from give them the finger and just keep on walking to actually stopping and giving out their phone number. I can even say that to this day one of those couples are still married, let's just say that was a different time. That excuse seems to cover our most vile indiscretions of the past. These days if you tried that you would likely get arrested, existing laws against whistling notwithstanding. Women want to be treated like women, not a piece of meat, that part of society has never changed. And no child wants to hear the story about how their parents met go something like this, "well eventually he just wore me down and I got sick of telling him no." That's not exactly a glowing endorsement of your romantic prowess as a man, is it?
Ask yourself this question, if there are laws to govern everyday life in society why aren't there laws to regulate what happens in public restrooms? I have been in public toilets that smelled like someone had sold their soul to the devil. What ever happened to the courtesy flush? What ever happened to restaurants and other like businesses caring what state those restrooms are in? Whatever happened to the days when they actually cared how (if it were in disarray) because it reflected poorly on their business? I remember grandma often saying that anytime she ate at any "reputable" eating establishment and the restrooms were dirty she would vow to never eat there again, but she was also the same person who would twist your ear between her index and middle finger if you were caught putting your elbows on the table. It hurt in a way that defied explanation, and I lovingly referred to that as "the Kansas twist." I guess that kind of thinking must have disappeared in the 50's. My grandma on my dad's side was essentially a strange mixture of Donna Reed, Phyllis Diller, and Hannibal Lector. Anytime I am obliged to run into any public restroom with only one toilet and it is plugged up like the guy that came before me had eaten a whole block of Wisconsin cheddar it makes me want to go postal. Every trip to a public toilet is an emergency, if it were not, you wouldn't be there. I am always appreciative when they have that "occupied" sign on the door when it is locked as it tends to offset any possible ugly pants soiling incident. It also keeps us from having to stand at a stall while knocking sheepishly while doing the pee pee dance. And please keep in mind, there should be no loud cell phone conversations allowed in a public head. If you cannot text it, please do us all a favor and just wait to have that conversation. At this very moment in time there are only like five emergencies in the world, what are the chances one of them is going to be for you? Are we really all so self-centered to think the world cannot get along without us for more than five consecutive minutes? People don't want to receive a phone call from a public stall anyway. I mean seriously, is that where you want the person on the other end of the line to call you from? Contrary to popular belief there is such a thing as too much information. Besides, it is likely the question that person would have locked in the chamber would be this: "so, what are you doing?"
A public restroom usually gets treated like a rented Ford Escort. Why you ask, I'm glad you did. From my point of view, it just stems from the fact that since it doesn't belong to them, most people take no ownership of it. It's a bit like when you borrow your pals F-150 because yours is in the shop, you scratch the tailgate, and it seems to hurt a little less simply because you are not the one making the payments. But when you have desecrated a restroom, left smutty fingerprints on the back of the toilet seat, have not inquired with the manager because there is no TP, and you threw what was left of a dip of Copenhagen in the sink because you are too lazy to dispose of it properly you should be given ten lashes with a toilet brush. Or at the very least be cuffed and arrested by Miss Manners. One might think that because we are Americans, we are generally more civilized, but the sad truth is most of the time just the opposite is true. We have essentially become so spoiled in this country we fail to realize when we have it made. But at least they got rid of that weird gas stations towel from the 70's that was on a continuous roll, and you end up wiping your hands on something you can only pray to God is meringue. If you have ever used one of those and you lived to talk about it, you are probably immune to Covid.
Women often get a pass on being messy, but I am here to tell you that I have cleaned my share of female restrooms; mark my words when I say that women are just as messy as men. When I was a teenager, I worked in a greasy spoon in my hometown that was well known for being the place where all the drunks went to eat after last call. Trust me, drunk women have no more ethics, morality, or good sense than drunk men. What exactly is it about 3.2 beer that causes people to generally lose their minds and forget that they are part of the human race? Cheap alcohol essentially causes the human race to grow a sloping forehead and begin to drag their knuckles like Cro-Magnon Man. I once had to clean what can only be described as a portrait of a woman's genitalia that was drawn on a bathroom mirror with red lipstick in a women's bathroom. Call it the humanity in me but I remember being as disgusted as I was entertained. I'm uncertain how both are possible at the same time, but it happened none the less. I suppose that means I am half humanitarian and half standup comic.
Remember that little embroider decoration that hung over the top of grandma's toilet that read, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seaty?" I know I speak for many of us when I say that should be hung in all-public restrooms. If we all thought grandma was watching maybe, we might conduct ourselves more like human beings and a little less like a pack of wild dogs. All I'm asking is that you just consider my proposal, flush twice and think it over.
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