Baking Brownies

In the winds of change (at least in Oklahoma) these days you can always smell brownies baking. At this point in time (October 2022) there are as many pot shops in Broken Arrow Oklahoma as there are convivence stores, which we all know is unsustainable, not to mention ridiculous. In addition, the number of questions I have about THC are wide, varied, and in no particular order, and here they are. At what point did the brownie become the go-to dessert item for people who enjoy getting high? Why not chocolate chip cookies or Key Lime pie? Did Cheech Merin and Tommy Chong write the stoners manifesto, and is it etched in stone somewhere? Is the wallpaper in the stoners hall of fame brought to you by the good people at Zig Zag? Does the whole building smell like Snoop Doggs index finger? Is Snoops strange friendship with Martha Stewart a direct result of the 80-year-old Martha getting hooked on edibles? Can Martha actually understand Snoop's rap language, does she have a cheat sheet, did she learn to translate it while she was in jail, or does she just nod a lot? I told you I had a lot of questions.

Would Keith Richards testify under oath that weed will essentially pickle your brain like a cucumber in a mason jar? I think we all must consider that Keith's secret to long life might just be weed, or at the very least we cannot rule it out. While I am a doubter, I have never been a hater. And I suppose we should consider what kind of world we will leave Keith because evidently, he is an enigma or the very least a strange alien life form and will live forever. How many items on Willy Nelson's tour bus are illegal at this very moment, and is he an ongoing nightmare for the likes of the Texas DOT? Can the DOT test truck drivers for weed with the chocolate donut test? If they can say no, they are NOT high. Also, has Matthew Mc Conaughey ever considered buying stock in Visine? Sadly, I am struggling to find anyone coherent enough to help answer these burning questions.

I suppose my biggest question is "at what point did it become compulsory for so many people to walk around stoned?" It may be (as advocates like to put it) "a natural product." But I should point out in seriousness and in jest that it is making many of us stupider by the hour. I spent the better part of my first summer away from home stoned to the gills and the only thing it got me was a place in the unemployment line and the loss of an apartment. Right away I straightened up and realized being a half-baked idiot was not going to help me this life. The people who impress me the most are the ones that you know are higher than a satellite but can still "MAINTAIN." The word maintain in this case means that you are able to stave off copious amounts of laughter over things that are really not funny. At what point did we all feel that life had become so unbearable that we needed chemical help to get through it? Is marijuana the only drug that will become legal in my lifetime? Are cocaine, meth, and heroin next? This line of thinking may sound absurd, but I would have said the same thing when I was high school if you would have told me about the same scenario for pot, I would have figured (you too) were a little high. it seems to me we have created a world in which the next generation will spend most of their time leaning on a mental crutch of their own choosing. At what point did we allow our kids to start getting a pass in life and not being required to cowboy up to solve their own problems? Some people even chose to huff gasoline, sniff airplane glue, or just drink too many martinis. No single drug is better at offsetting reality, but some are certainly more dangerous than others. If and when you pick a poison be careful, it could the last choice you ever make.

I'd love to say that my generation had no hand in this madness, but I know better. My generation wanted our parents and grandparents to lighten up on the "harder than nails" routine. While that may have been well-intentioned it was also misguided. Keep in mind that any snowflake when hit by the midday sun will quickly turn into a water droplet, then disappear like a fart in the wind. None of us realized going in that participation trophies would be our undoing. And good Lord forbid that they get a little too close to a peanut! By no ill-intension of our own we did these kids a huge disservice. Too much iridescent lighting and copious amounts of video games don't make Jack a dull boy, they make him a target. We should never lose sight of the fact that just because something is hard to do doesn't automatically make it not worth our while.

You can call me out of touch and an old fuddy duddy for calling pot a gateway drug. Interestingly though there are four gateway drugs and here they are listed in no particular order: nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, and prescription pills. It should be pointed out that all four are now legal and can be had with little to no restrictions. One could point out that in order to obtain a marijuana card you must first visit a doctor for a card to gain permission to buy it. But the questions the doctors ask are ones like "do you have stress and get headaches?" Well, WHO DOESN'T?! If you can possibly answer yes to this line of questioning while keeping a straight face congratulations, you have just earned the right to set up your water bong in a public place. WHAT A WORLD!