Sometimes the rules, or should I say the unwritten rules of life can be perplexing. When there are hard and fast rules that are backed by lessons they tend to stick. For instance, the first time I helped grandpa "ride fence" (an Okie term used to describe building fence) I barely paid attention to where it was put up. But the first time I was caught in the pasture with the urge to pee and Mr. Johnson came in contact with 110 volts I was fully aware of where it was strung. Old boys who are bull riders and bronc stompers consider riding fence an old man's game. But I don't mind it, some of the most peaceful times in my life have been spent tending and mending fence. We should all be aware that it is a cow's lot in life to escape whatever fence they are behind. They excel at that. And it wasn't so long ago when one of the young bucks at work had asked me "why do you drive like an old lady?" I told him that was a spot-on assessment because an old lady taught me to drive. The point is I have never really been eaten to the bone with testosterone. That's not so much humor as it is just the truth coming home to roost.
Now back to fence, I love the sound of the Oklahoma wind rustling through the leaves while tending fence. On the other hand, why do we always stop short with one of those velvet ropes they use to keep us at bay in places like the bank and the movie theater? There is no electrification running through it and no barbs. This is what is known as citified fence. Is that just to make sure that if we buy a ticket to Jaws 15 in 3D, we are not able to also sneak into Rambo 8 The Geritol Years? And why do they set it up in that weird Criss cross pattern in the bank like we are some kinds of lost mouse in a pathetic maze. And why is the rope made of velour, was it originally intended for royalty? There is no immediate danger in crossing one of those ropes, maybe it's just an unwritten law. It's like holding a door for a woman at the grocery store or saying "God bless you" to someone who just sneezed. Maybe it is just part and parcel of living in what we call a civilized society. What would happen if we all just started crossing the ropes without notice, would there just be anarchy?
Here are some unwritten rules of society for you to chew on. Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same night. This goes back to the old saying that says don't make duty where you sleep. That's sound advice! How about this one, standing in a garage makes you no more a car than setting in a church pew makes you a Christian. Also, we should keep in mind that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. It should also be noted that bills travel through the US Mail at twice the speed of checks. A balanced diet is having a donut in each hand. The most destructive force of nature just happens to be gossip, but it should be noted that it is also the most fun. I had a great aunt that was well known for saying "if you cannot say anything nice about someone come set next to me." And it should be pointed out in seriousness and in jest that no man has ever been shot with his hands in dish water, at least it has never been documented.
There are times truth and bizarre tales come together like a welded metal chord. It seems that scientist have taken a deep dive into the language of cows. It seems their dialect changes with their location on the globe. Does this mean that if they resided in merry old England, they would refer to a friend in an adjacent pen as "mate" and call a drover "governor? One of the scientists working on the project referred to it as "identifiable dialect variations." I suppose the bigger question is just exactly why our hard-earned tax dollars are being used on such nonsense? Although I will be the first one to admit it is humorous and somewhat entertaining. It has now become official that you can take a cow out of Jersey, but you can't take the Jersey out of the cow. Forgive the dad-like pun.
And to put a spin on what we refer to as absurdity for absurdity's sake it should be pointed out that Barry Manilow didn't write the song "I write the songs." And it should be noted that you are ten times more likely to be hurt by a toothpick than to be attacked by a grizzly bear. In 2022 stats say 2,046 people entered emergency rooms for injuries due to toothpicks, bears 44. So, with the same idea in mind, it should also be pointed out that you are three times more likely to be injured by a vending machine than attacked by a shark. We have all wondered if our next honey bun might be our last, now we know.
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