Back in the day I had a friend who played a constant game of cat and mouse with local law enforcement, that is when he wasn't eating Cheetos and swilling New Pepsi. He desperately tried to act like he wasn't a flower child turned blooming idiot growing weed on his back forty, but he was. The sheriff's office would sometimes run him in, other times they would look the other way depending on if the officer in question had recently shared a half-ounce with him. It should be noted there are many good cops, but not all of them are as straight as an arrow. In our lives we have all had that one friend who stands just on the cusp of good and evil, spits in the eye of the man, and double dog dares the powers that be to slap the cuffs on him. He WAS that guy. He even called me a couple of times to bail him out of jail, but I had better things to do with $500 than to help out a man who knew butter but refused to do better. Don't get me wrong, I found him comical but in NO way a role model. Just remember, everyone is good for something, even if it is just a bad example.
The restrictions on the devil's lettuce have seriously relaxed since I was a kid. If anyone had ever told me when I was younger that there would be a pot shop on every corner of Broken Arrow Oklahoma like gas stations, I would have figured they too were probably smoking a little weed. My son and I got into my F-150 last night and tootled over to a burger joint we like, consequently those are the only kinds of joints I enjoy. In that five-mile radius between our home and the burger place we counted eight "medical marijuana" stores. I used the word medical in the last sentence in quotes because the questions they ask you before you are allowed a card are loose at best and ridiculous at worst. When you visit a doctor to get a card, they will ask you questions like "do you have stress and headaches?" Does anyone not have that in their lives occasionally? The question of the day is NOT do you have stress (we all do) but when you have it, how do you deal with it? Some folks think that the right way to deal with a problem is to smoke up, but I am a firm believer that once your headache goes away the problem will still exist. Besides, if you want to twist your reality to heights previously unknown there is always marriage.
Going on my Sunday walk today I passed by the closest pot shop to my home and figured they probably wouldn't be open until at least noon. Stoners are like vampires; they all hate the daylight. Passing by this place I realized I was right in my assumption, not only were they not open but they actually upped the ante and had scraped their starting hours off with a putty knife. So now it reads, "Sunday hours (blank) to 5pm. Wouldn't it just be easier for them to remove the sign completely that way they can just come and go as they please and just release the constraints of societal pressure to conform? We all know that as a general rule pot heads hate any unwritten rules made up by "THE MAN." If you are really that non-committal about when to open should you really be running a business to begin with? I laughed until I nearly soiled myself. And it wasn't because I reveled in their apparent laziness but because it was so comically predictable. It should also be pointed out in serious and in jest that said shop is hooked directly to a Pizza Hut, because of course the only thing stoners like better than variety is convenience. I can just hear their patrons' making orders like: "I'll take 3oz of green goddess, 1 pack of Zig-Zag papers, 2 clove cigarillos, and a large deep-dish pepperoni to go." It is sad, predictable, but at the same time rib-tickling funny.
Not so far from my job there is shop called "Cannabless." I have to ask, is it really necessary to evoke the deity in order to sell blunts in Oklahoma? Are they not wary of the possible blasphemy infraction and the possibility of a lightning strike, I mean some chances are just not worth taking. Certainly, those of us that still believe in the Bible realize that we are now under New Testament rule, but there are no hard and fast rules about whether or not God can revert, and without notice go all Old Testament on them. Just outside that shop there is a miniature statue of the praying hands at ORU. Next to that there is an ATM machine that looks like it has seen more action than if it were on the floor of an Indian Casino. I may have made it my last thought but I will concede that I do appreciate the fact that people who like the funny green stuff are for sure (as they say) CHILL. You will rarely see a guy who is stoned starting a fight, they are too busy laughing at anything and everything and buying Visine. For some reason stoners are immune to fighting, that is reserved the Jack and Coke crowd.
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