Hotel Problems

It seems no matter the hotel chain they all seem to suffer from similar problems no matter the price range. It just goes to show that no matter how much money you throw at a problem that the basics have always been cheap. Soap, water, and elbow grease is paramount in any hotel. Did you ever notice that you can check into any hotel at 5pm but still be fiddling with the card reader by 6? For some reason my son can make it work the first time every time. I am unsure if it is just for noise or familiarity but the first thing, I go for is the television remote. Seven times out of ten it won't work, so what do you do? The first thing I do is pop the back off and give the batteries a little roll. By this time my wife is usually beating on me metaphorically about how nasty that thing is and how I shouldn't be touching it with my bare hands. And I am acting like I am licking it just to see if I can get under her skin a little further, and it usually works. It's likely when we get home, she will be scheduling me for a Tetuans shot with my PCP. I'm surprised I haven't seen her trying to negotiate the dial on the air conditioner with a plastic baggie on her hand. The next thing that usually happens is she will talk me into pulling the comforter off the bed because she refuses to touch it. Evidently ALL women cannot help but watch Dateline, and it ruins travel for most of them. It is important to remember when dealing with hotels that germs are our friends. Think of your bodies defense system like any other muscle, if you don't use it, you lose it.

Hotels harbor every secret in the world under their skin. While it may be true more underworld stuff probably happens at the Motel 6 than at the Doubletree, it is also true they have all seen their fair share of questionable actions. Do you find it a bit ironic that someone and their mistress may be fornicating three feet from the nightstand that contains the King James Version that warns directly about their transgressions? See what I mean, absurdity! And there are now some things missing in hotels from yesteryear that I miss like that "sanitized for your protection" sash that went over the toilet that looked like Miss Oklahoma should be wearing it during the swimsuit competition. Why does a toilet need to be sanitized? it's not like we are going to drink from it. Over-cleaned toilets are largely an American phenomenon. Last time I stayed overnight in one of those places I had a nightmare that Elon Musk had to go in there with a pair of ceremonial scissors and cut it off before I could perform the courtesy flush. These are the sorts of things that keep me awake at night.

Now let us talk about the scam that is room service. Is anyone aware of when we developed such a shortage of oranges in this country? When we order orange juice for breakfast the large size comes in a glass the size of an aspirin bottle and the small comes poured into a thimble, but strangely both cost $6.95. And why is decaffeinated coffee always included in the room with the coffee maker. Drinking decaf makes about as much sense as showering with a condom on. Coffee in any form is nothing more than just a delivery system. Starbucks is no better than the guy who sells meth on the street corner, only he is peddling caffine, but i should add the profit margin for caffine is way bigger. They both hook you on their magical elixir and then chew on your wallet like a hungry rottweiler. I have seen people who are so hooked on caffeine they would consider mainlining it were that the only way to get their fix.