Birds Vs. Bees

Trying to teach sex education from my back porch swing in Broken Arrow Oklahoma could be tricky, so I'll tread lightly. Has anyone noticed that the rules that swirl around discussion of the topic of sex are ever changing. Stating without prejudice what is on one's mind without ruffling the feathers of the status quo is a daunting task. This is a test I sometimes fail on purpose just so I can rattle the likes of the older generation. It's entertaining! I find it humorous that they can be so easily offended by something that was created by the good Lord himself. Essentially the topic of procreation has always existed, yet somehow, we still seem to tiptoe around it. Why is that? It's a lot like pooping, we all do it, but we try to act like we don't. Fantasy is tricky, but reality can be downright sticky. You may be wondering what topic I am dancing around today so I'll come to the point quickly. Today I was listening to a radio program on the way to work when a woman had approached the topic of discussing girl's menstrual periods in public schools and seemed appalled that boys were being left out of that conversation. I have but one question, WHY? This is like having a discussion about why hotels often shape the end of the toilet paper roll to a point, nobody knows why they do it, but logic doesn't keep it from happening.

This was being referred to in discussion as the girl's "special time." Why would they call it that? I can assure you there is nothing special about it. If I were a young girl just on the cusp of becoming a woman and found out I was going to bleed for a week out of every month for no apparent reason I'd be horrified. Here is my first question in all of this madness, since when do we leave the discussion of sex and its biproducts up to public school teachers? They barely get paid enough to teach history and English. When I was that age the burden of that discussion fell on our parents and how confused we were when we walked away could dictate how they scored on the old parent meter. In my day you were lucky if part of the information about where babies come from didn't include them being delivered by a drunken stork like they had in cartoons.

I have seen football coaches get tongue tied just by watching kids smooching by the lockers. These days it would seem kids already have their hands full trying to digest subjects like trigonometry, calculus, and trying to figure out the parameters of the he/she restroom. If a teenage boy is having trouble passing his driver's education course what makes us think he is ready to tackle something as complex as the female gestation period? We should all remember there is a thin line between what teenagers want to hear and what they are mentally able to ingest.

There is NO reason why a teenage boy should be bothered about the technicalities of female problems. This is like giving thirteen-year-old girls a lecture on the problems with jock itch. The first time a boy's older sister pins him to the floor and spits in his ears he will know everything he needs to know about her period. This is to say he will be made aware of the dangers, but he will never fully understand the perplexities. That is an ongoing problem that will confuse him well into his twilight years and he will still be sorting out the details on his death bed.

There are certain unwritten rules concerning sex that if we could all abide by, we would be in much better shape overall. Rules such as "don't partake before you are married." If we could all manage to abide by this single rule, we could avoid such pitfalls as teenage pregnancies, illegitimate children, STD's, the existence of planned parenthood, and that stubborn cold sore you go after you hooked up with that sketchy groupie at a KISS concert back in the 80's. The bad news is, if it turns out to be herpes you will keep that forever like luggage, whether you wanted to remember the skank or not. Just remember, in life there are always second chances, even for those that are terminal idiots. In the 60's the sexual revolution declared that nothing was off the table and everyone gets a pass. That WAS the case until that generation figured out there were consequences for their actions. This quickly brings us back around to the old saying "if you lie with dog's you should expect to get fleas." Any time I think about making poor choices my mind always goes back to Bill Clinton. Poor old Bill was stellar politician but hooking up with a 23-year-old intern in the oval office was not his finest hour. Just remember, he didn't develop the nickname "Slick Willy" in DC, that name followed him from Little Rock Arkansas. Therin lies the difference between CARRYING an STD or contracting one.

There is nothing dirty about procreation folks, God invented it, and he alone owns the rights to it. However, along with that right comes also a certain level of responsibility. It's sort of like the moral in the story of Spiderman. And it should be pointed out in seriousness and in jest that if it did not exist our species would die off rather quickly. The basic problem lies in the fact that not only responsible adults with homes, steady paychecks, and their heads about them have the "urge to merge." Within this reality lies the true test. Unfortunately, the human body reaches full maturity long before the brain can comprehend the weight of the responsibility that lies therein. It's a crying shame these two phenomena couldn't happen at the same time. Until we can get all of this madness figured out, do us all a favor and keep your hands and your willy to yourself.