Rules, Rules, Rules

Maybe it's the rebel in me but aren't most rules meant to be broken? I'm not talking about the no-brainers like filing your taxes on time, not robbing banks, and never coveting your neighbors Ox or his Ass. What I am referring to are the unwritten rules like, no swimming for thirty minutes after eating, wiping the sweat off your palms before shaking hands with the preacher, or never trusting a fart in a public place. I'd say that last one is totally up to you, nobody knows your anatomy like YOU do. Just never lose sight of the fact that a burp and a fart are the same thing, they are only regulated and judged by their exit location. Yes, they may be considered social pho-pas in finer circles but whom among us can claim we have never done it? Men implode, women crop dust, one may be considered less insidious but eventually it's all the same sin.

AND I'd like to know, who made up the rule that perfectly good food that has been accidently dropped on the ground is now inedible? Haven't you fine people ever heard of the five-second rule? I always assumed that rule was made up by Nare-do-wells like me when working in fast food, but maybe it has been around long before that. I recently heard a starving comedian on a radio talk show discuss eating things like half eaten rolls, grapes, and French fries off dinner service trays left in the hallways of seedy hotels. Would I PERSONALLY, do it? Probably not the half-eaten roll, I mean after all I do have a job. But I'd say the rest of it is fair game.

What exactly is the over and under of whoever left it out there took the time to lick each individual French fry before discarding it? People are innately lazy (especially Americans) and that sounds like a lot of work for no return on their investment. Give just a moment of thought to everything processed food is exposed to before it reaches our plates, bugs, pickers, pesticides, preservatives, the fast-food punk that just got done picking his nose when you weren't looking and still has a Newport hanging from his bottom lip. And of course, there will always be that hamburger patty that sat on the floor for less than five seconds. Will that 500-degree flame kill the wisteria bug? I'll let you be the judge, jury, and executioner on that question. We put a lot of faith in the people who cook our food in public places, and the truth is we probably shouldn't.

People who are bug-phobic are the same people you would see driving around in their car with a mask on in 2020. What is the purpose of that? Is it so you won't catch anything from yourself? I call this being "casually stupid" the opposite of course is relentlessly idiotic. If you have ever spent any time studying an N-95 dust mask you realize that the fit is usually so poor it keeps very little in and even less out. You could drive an F-150 through the gaping hole in most of them. Let's be honest with each other, should we ever consider any piece of cheaply made paper with a rubber band holding it in place like a kitschy Halloween mask to save our lives. That is a lot to ask one little staple (that will no doubt give way in the first five minutes of wear). Folks, none of us are getting out of here alive so I suggest just letting your body's natural defense system do its job. It's like any other muscle in the body, if it gets no exercise eventually it will die, and we will die with it.

One of the biggest unwritten laws that exists that the next generation has had a hard time grasping is how to read a room. My son is nearly 30 and he still hasn't mastered it. I suppose whatever side of politics we fall on we can all agree that wearing a MAGA hat in a public place anywhere but Oklahoma or south of the Mason Dixon Line is asking for trouble. You wouldn't walk into the Democratic National Convention and start bagging on the likes of Rachel Maddow... or maybe you would. It probably hinges on just how much you like to shake up the establishment or ruffle the feathers of the other side. One thing is sure that I have discovered over the years, no matter which side we reside we all really want the same thing. We all want cleaner water, better schools, more civic pride, and a better way of life. The problem lies in the fact that we just cannot agree on the best route to achieve those goals. The big difference is conservatives buy guns and ammo, and liberals depend on the decency of their fellow man, which might or might not work out.