Life Lived Anonymously

I recently had a conversation with a female friend of mine who recently tried dating again after being widowed for some time. The attempt fell flat and was to say the least unsuccessful. She is fifty years old and the reaction from most of the men she meets is "aren't you too young to be a widow." This of course is a ridiculous thought because one can be a widow even if they are in their 20's. This puts me in mind of this saying "if you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past." This thought usually provokes sideway smiles and provoked thoughts, but it is at its core absolutely true. Everyone has sat in the back of a parked car and steamed up the windows, even if you do call yourself a Christian. That's not from the evil in your heart, rather it stems from the fire in your pants; which by the way God also put there. Don't ask me why, I just work here. Just like you, I don't make life's rules I just abide by them.

If all teenage men were satisfied to set at home and watch Andy Griffith reruns like a 60-year-old, our race as we know it would have died off years ago. Most of the men this young woman dated were amazed that she had not remained anonymous in her life. What did they expect? Did they think she merely lived her life like a goldfish in a bowl who lives for a week and then gets flushed down the toilet? Most of them seemed shocked that she had previously loved someone wholeheartedly and without limits. I ask you, in what world is a healthy relationship a bad thing? It seems that rash of divorces that took place in our country back in the seventies has damaged many of us and skewed our thought processes concerning healthy relationships. It essentially twisted our world view. I find it especially perplexing that once a woman's sexual prowess of her late 20's that sometimes includes being busty and sporting childbearing hips is gone, her usefulness to the opposite sex also seems like a thing of the past. If any woman makes it to middle age, she is bound to develop things like gray hair, crow's feet, and possibly even menopause. This is what is known as real life, and plastic surgeons have made a fortune off trying to help women head it off at the pass. Does this milestone make those women unlovable? Some men think so; I don't. Good genes and unflawed skin cannot hold a candle to the beauty that is produced by the frailty of a woman who has lived long enough to know who she is and isn't afraid to show it, or for that matter BE IT. Mistakes and aging make us imperfect, not unlovable.

Men too are no exception to life's pitfalls. By the time most of us have reached middle age we are no more sophisticated than belly button lint. In the movie When Harry Met Sally Harry asked this question: "what happens if you never meet anyone, never become anything, and then die one of those New York deaths where nobody notices until the smell drifts into the hallway?" As morbid as that question is, it does give us something to chew on, doesn't it? Thoughts like this make us want to touch as many lives in a positive manner as we can. An essential truth is when we are no longer here, we want to have made impression enough in this life to be missed. It seems unfathomable (yet true) that once a soul passes from here to eternity we all barely take the time to hit the pause button. As men we all know at some point we are all going to buy the farm, but we would like to be surrounded by our loved ones when it happens. This is something that usually gets put into eulogy's which sounds good on paper but is rarely true. Most of us are out living our lives when we get the call. We are at the post office, getting lunch, a haircut, or possibly an oil change. In essence; life goes on. There is no shame in it, yet most of us would like to act like we were at their bedside when the hammer fell.

It seems to me the population of the world can be split into two groups. The first group is scared to death that they will live out their entire lifetime without ever being truly loved. The second is the group that keeps everyone at just enough arm's length without ever been loved. The truth is neither one of them is likely screwed up more than the other, they are probably just in their group for different reasons. Even though their mental afflictions are polar opposite, their afflictions are the same. When young girls are molested in childhood often times they compensate for that wrongdoing by sleeping around in their twenties. Seems to me it would be just the opposite. One might ask why every time we are wronged as children the problem lands right in the land of good and evil. In short, the human brain is complex in ways that it is difficult for most of us to comprehend. Internalization is the key to coping with said problems whether we realize it or admit it.

So, you can either get a shrink or negotiate life's twist and turns on your own. Either way I won't judge you.