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Our Demise

We would all like to deny it, but it seems death is a growth industry. That's sounds like a contradiction in terms because, it is. The truth is, at some point the death industry will get the opportunity to target all of us. Sadly, or gladly, depending on your own point of view we all have an expiration date. I am sure you too have seen those cards in sundry stores that have something written on the front like, "with greatest sorrow" or "in your time of need." Then you open them up only to find they are blank on the inside. This just means that even those professional cats over at Hallmark don't know what to say the help the situation. This is essentially the difference between self-service and full-service gas stations for those of us who are old enough to remember them. And if the lack of help on the inside of the card were not enough you also realize at the checkout, they just charged you $7.99 for it. Ouch, let go of my arm, my leg, AND my wallet! I can still buy a whole ream of copier paper for $1.99. There are only two items that have not gone up in price in the past ten years, copier paper and bananas. It seems to me while charging a confiscatory price like that they could at least make up something for the inside of the card, even if it is only done insincerely and in the name of profit.


A friend of mine from high school studied mortuary science in college and then returned to our hometown to work for the local funeral service, only to find the job too mentally taxing because every person who came through the back door was someone he knew well. So, he skipped town. I don't blame him; I'd done the same. It seems when we pick a profession as young people the one thing, we tend to overlook is the human equation. On top of that, when we are young and virile we often feel bullet proof like we will live forever. This is just one more perplexing part of the human condition. It's interesting that his university prepared him on the science of how to prepare a dead body, but it failed him in the part where it wreaked havoc on his psyche.


Comedian Jerry Seinfeld says this about death, "Humans don't understand death, and the proof is when our loved ones die, we give them a pillow." While this sound like nothing more than a joke (and to some degree) it is, it's also an astute observation. We can fight the logic all we want to, but the truth is funerals are NOT for the dead; they are for the LIVING. Rituals for those that have passed pacify the living, the dearly departed could care less about that, they have bigger fish to fry. This means that fancy new suits only worn once, flower arrangements that will also die within a few days, and sheet pans full of burnt funeral potatoes will also quickly become part of their "personal effects" that they can never tote with them to the other side. Death is not as much a reality as it is a state of being. Will we miss them? Of course we will. But remember these two facts, if they continue to live in our hearts and minds, they are never truly gone. No amount of money spent on a fancy funeral has ever brought anyone back, except may Jesus, and the good Lord had that prearranged.


Funeral directors really need to figure out how to slow their roll. At this point it's pretty hard to tell them from a used car salesman. While one is there ready to put your wallet in a full nelson the moment your car breaths its last breath, funeral directors too return in kind. They might be able to get you into the A1 model for a good price which is nothing more than a pine box with a rope tied around it. But their ultimate goal is to see your loved one set up for eternity in one of those sleek stainless-steel jobs with copper handles and rubber stoppers. It even kind of sounds like a car, huh? That seems like a lot of money to spend on something we will ultimately just lower in the ground a shovel dirt upon. In the case of the car, at least we get to test drive them first. And while the car salesman must still be creative in their sales pitch the funeral director does not. He need only say one thing, "don't you want your loved one to have the very best?" Guilt will take care of the rest.

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