Grandma had a few sayings she used while I was growing up that are hard to forget. She said things like, "the cow will always wait until the bucket is 3/4 full instead of two pulls in before she kicks it over." As I found out the hard way this applies to more in life than just milking cows. I also liked this one a lot "love is sweet, but oh so bitter to kiss an old tobacco spitter." Another one that sticks in my grey matter is: "an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure." She also like to use the phrase "heavens to Murgatroyd!" This may or may not have been lifted from Snaggle Puss cartoons, either way it made me laugh. For all I know they may have stolen it from her, after all the woman was a trailblazer. However, it should be noted that I never did see her exit stage left.
There are certain rules we should abide by that frankly keep us honest within the confines of the human race. For instance, we should always keep our opinions about race relations, politics, religion, and the Portuguese fur trade to ourselves at the dinner table. This causes hate, discontent, and indigestion. Also, it's important to remember that just because we CAN do something doesn't mean we SHOULD. I also believe that if we are entrusted with a secret, we should keep it. If our word is nothing, then aren't we all just running around using up perfectly good oxygen? Have you ever heard the saying "he's not worth the dirt to bury him?"
My next little bit of advice from someone who has lived a bit is two-fold. Pick your battles carefully and don't sweat the small stuff. It was George Carlin that once said, "don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things." Just remember stealing quotes from one person is called plagiarism, but borrowing information from many is called research. If you want to have the realization of just how trivial some problems are you should find yourself fretting over finding the time to put brake pads on your F-150 only to have the realization that your daughter has cancer. It's like trying to pick a sticker out of your foot with your hand on fire. It's impossible to be concerned about the expiration date of the milk in the fridge if your foot is stuck in a bear trap. It's like trying to figure out how to get top dollar for your home when you realize it's been eaten down to the studs by termites. Life is usually about context, followed by a healthy dose of absurdity. So today I leave you with twenty ideas to live by.
If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
Never lie to your doctor, your numbers will give you away. If fried chicken is your bag, he will figure that out.
Sadly, you don't get to choose your nickname.
Life is too short to not buy a good mattress and shoes.
There is no statute of limitations on apologies
Give credit, take blame.
Stand up to bullies, you will only have to do it once.
Master cooking at least one great recipe in your lifetime, you will always be remembered for it.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes, if YOU don't who will?
Never play high stakes poker with anyone whose first name starts with a city, for instance, Chicago Redd.
You are what you do, not what you say.
Always call your elders sir and mam, respect is everything.
If you get the chance, eat lunch with the new kids.
Keep in mind that the opposite sex expects us to shower regularly.
If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend, your opinion matters.
Never forget, in Oklahoma the word coffee is a noun AND a verb.
Never try to limit out on dove with one box of shells, it's impossible.
Even if you are full, never pass on the apple pie, it's not about filling a void it's about the conversation.
Never fight if you don't have to, but if you do punch hard and fast. Especially if you are over fifty.
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