In the winds of change (at least in Oklahoma these days) you can smell the baking of brownies. At what point did brownies become the go-to dessert for pot heads? Why not chocolate chip cookies or key lime pie? Did Cheech Merin and Tommy Chong write the stoner's manifesto? Are they clear headed enough to recite it? Is the hall of fame's walls covered by papers provided by the good people at Zig Zag? Does the whole building smell like Snoop Dog's index finger? Is Snoop's strange relationship with the eighty-year-old Martha Stewart a result of his partaking of too much Maui Wowee? Can Martha speak Soop's language? Is it possible that weed has just pickled Keith Richard's brain like a dill spear in a mason jar? We need to give some serious thought to what kind of world we are going to leave Keith as it appears he may have the same shelf life as a package of Ramen Noodles. When was the last time Matthew McConaughey purchased Visine? I have many probing questions, but I am struggling to find anyone coherent enough to answer them.
I suppose my biggest question is when did it become compulsory for everyone to walk around stoned? It may be what their crowd calls "a natural product" but I should point out it is making many of us naturally as dumb as a box of rocks. When did everyday life become so unbearable, we needed to create an alternate reality? Is pot the only drug that is going to become essentially an over-the-counter phenomenon or is it just the first in a long line? Are heroin, meth, or cocaine next? That kind of reality may sound absurd but wasn't the idea of marijuana becoming legal in our lifetime back in the seventies absurd as well? We have essentially created a reality for the next generation where they need only pick a crutch of their choosing. Long gone are the days when people handled their problems like adults. People also huff gas, sniff airplane glue, and drink too many martinis. The question isn't, do you want to numb yourself, it's "what do you want to numb yourself with?" No single drug is better at setting off reality as we know it, however some are more dangerous than others.
I'd like to say that my generation had no hand in this madness, but I know better. My generation wanted nothing more than to lighten up on the hard ass mode but found out in the meantime there was a price to pay for that. The term snowflake is pretty fitting when you think about it, any bit of heat will end their rein. None of my generation realized that going along with participation trophies, two-hour naps, and never cracking the whip on our kids when they refused to study had long-term consequences. Too many video games and iridescent lights don't make Jack a dull boy, it makes him a cupcake and a pushover. Just remember, anything that is worth doing is worth working for.
Now, on to the subject of Methadone. Understand the drug is not made to offset the effects of heroin, it simply replaces one type of high with another. As follows are the effects of methadone: Constipation, drowsiness, dizziness, dry mouth, sweating, abdominal cramps, clammy skin, headaches, irregular periods, loss of appetite, slowed breathing, acerated heart rate, chest pain, hallucinations, hives, nausea, raspatory problems, aching joints, chills, confusion, and I saved the worst for last... death! Replacing black tar heroin with methadone makes about as much sense as trading Nyquil for rum and Coke. It's a bit like replacing rattlesnake poison with rattlesnake poison but just calling it by another name. Of course, by now even people who are off their nut see that is a zero-sum game. It's a bit like a dog that chases its own tail, in that it is a task that is never done, not to mention elusive and frustrating. These days the end all be all drug is something called Narcan. Evidently Narcan has the ability to actually stop an opiate overdose. But that too is a little insane if you think about it. That is like someone who sits in an electric chair voluntarily and flips the on switch. Only to have someone come behind them and turn it off. Who are we to play God if someone clearly has a death wish? So, the question of the day is should someone who has decided their life is worth nothing be saved by people like me and you even if they have clearly lost their grip on reality?
You can call me an old fuddy duddy and claim that marijuana is not a gateway drug, but I think we all know better. Interestingly there are four gateway drugs and here they are in no particular order: alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, and prescription pills. Even more interesting is that all four of these are perfectly legal. One might say that there are still hoops to be jumped through in order to obtain THC, but they are minute and getting smaller by the day. When you apply for a pot card in the state of Oklahoma the doctor will ask you questions like "do you ever suffer from headaches or stress?" If you can honestly answer yes to that hard line of questioning congratulations, you now have obtained the right to fit your lips over a water bong in a public place.
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