Back to Basics

Every now and then it is advisable to give yourself a break from the things that drive this world. On occasion we should take time from contemplating which Kardashian sister is most need of a lip waxing; by the way (in case you have forgotten) its ALL of them. I've seen less hair on my barber's floor on a Saturday morning. I've spent time watching the Bravo network (not by choice) and I walked away feeling mostly like I lost some IQ points, which I'm almost certain I did. You should also give yourself a two day break every now and then to contributing to the Gross National Product. If you take a one-year pass on your subscription to "Modern Cowboy" or forget to buy that large box of Fiddle-Faddle, the economy probably won't take a hit.

There are times when we have to reminded to people close to us that going back to basics on occasion is necessary. This particular time it just happened to be my child as he is a lover of all things simplistic and he understands that happiness cannot be purchased in bulk. We found ourselves faced with a picture-perfect Sunday that could not have been more perfect if we had special ordered it. Let's just say it made both of us happy to be alive. We struck out with our poles in hand just like Andy and Opie. Even though our little pond had more bushes around it than a republican fund raiser we made the best of it. And as most anglers know, bass love having places to hide.

Now would be as good a time as any to review the rules of fishing. While you are stringing your pole, I highly advise against putting a sharp treble hook between your lips. I'd like to say this was the biggest accident of the day, but I am sad to announce that I also tripped in the dirt and busted a brand-new pole all the way back to the second eyelet. I could have sworn I heard Jimmy Houston shed a tear. I haven't been that sad since I heard that the surgeon general advises against putting half and half on Grape Nuts. Now comes the question for the ages, do you put mayo or Miracle Whip on your bologna sandwiches? I realize some use neither. There are some that might claim it's a sin to use anything but mustard; mostly the idea stems on where you hail from. Granny toasted mine with mayo, a slice of American cheese, and a smear of BBQ sauce. That is a forum that will no doubt rage on well after I am in the box and being lowered in the ground. Many folks are of the belief that the bank of a pond should be as quiet as a library, but I think if the fish are hungry enough it won't hurt a thing to let your kiddo run up and down the dam once he hopped up on Dr. Pepper and kettle corn. I've never let the size of the crowd at Golden Corral deter me if I felt like my stomach was sure my throat had been cut. Silence may be golden, but duct tape is silver.

The next question of the day is this, when a man goes fishing is he allowed to take his cell phone? Once more, if said cell phone rings is he allowed to answer it? When my dad was alive, he said that was defined as a desecration. But, as life usually does, the inevitable happened. My phone DID ring and I DID answer it. The irony was, on the other end was good old dad. How about that? Around that time, he had just retired, was trying his best to fill the hours, and was teaching his tom cat to do tricks. Yes, I said what you thought I just said, it wasn't a typo. He had taught his cat to give five, shake, set up and beg, and roll over and play dead just like a dog. I didn't even know such a feat was possible. I had always heard the saying "as easy as herding cats." Is it possible the old saying was true? Maybe the old man should have taught a class.