I am not really that old, 55ish as quiet as it's kept. Of course, the only time a person that age would be referred to as young is if your best pal was delivering your eulogy or you were dating Cher. In short, age is merely a state of mind. Or is it? Time is merely an abstract concept that most of us can only contemplate because it evades out human understanding. And we all have Mr. Einstein to thank for that. Feeling our age and our aliments seem to go hand in hand. I remember a time when Mercurochrome and Campho-Phenique were considered a cure all for everything. In addition to that grandma put Bag-Balm on nearly everything including squeaky bed springs. And it worked!
Somehow over the years the American public has been talked into the idea that ailments are at an all-time high. It could be because we have gone from healthy stock to sniffling crybabies. Not so long ago I heard someone at work complaining about something they called "dry eye" syndrome. It seems that we now have to bitch about anything and everything. Does the phrase "suck it up buttercup" mean anything to anyone anymore? If I'd complained to my grandpa about such things, he would have me a wuss and just moved on. Dry eye syndrome sounds like something that is either simply made up or was concocted by someone who has run out of legitimate axes to grind. Most medical problems are easily solved. If you suffer from ringing in your ear the doctor will probably investigate and find a small bell in your ear canal. As we age, our check engine light will eventually come on. That's not an if that's a when. And beware of the meds they try to give you these days as the list of side effects that go along with them can be as long as your arm and often includes the very ailment you were trying to get rid of to begin with.
There is a guy on television right now selling CBD spray that claims (and I quote) "creates a calm, focused Homeostasis and eases your daily stress." Wasn't homeostasis M&M's original stage name? So, what he is saying is that if I am on my way home from work and the rear end drops out of my F-150 and I simply spray a bit of that oil between my cheek and gums all will be well with the world? Does that mean that we will all just join hands and start singing Kumbaya while the Broken Arrow Expressway backs up like a striking rattle snake? Have you ever fallen asleep to the light of the television at night only to awaken with the phrase "set it and forget it" rolling around in your head? He is essentially promising me that my third eye will never suffer from detached retina syndrome. Evidently, I will also always be flexible enough to set Indian style on the floor well into my 90's. Will it also cover impending trips to the dentist for a root canal, an impromptu meeting with the IRS, and any upcoming argument with my wife over how many pillows we really need on the bed? I mean they are obviously called throw pillows for a reason. The idea that we can all be lulled into a hypnotic state of mind and forget all of our worries with a bit of oil is as ludicrous as Shaque trying to fit his giant hoof in a size 5 Nike. Contrary to popular belief one size does not fit all. Before you know it there will be essential oils to cover two-fold problems as well. You know, like if you suffer from jock itch and have a low resale value on your home. It's important to remember that hammertoe is a medical condition, not a birth defect.
Even though I try to remain optimistic that's a tough road for me. Evidently it is my lot in life to be a doubter. Not so long ago I found myself suffering from something called Planter Fasciitis. It's basically a condition that causes soreness between where the heel and the arch of your foot meet and it feels like you are walking with a pebble in your shoe. So, a friend of mine set me up with an essential oil. Are all oils essential? Well, the answer to that question is if it goes in your chain saw then the answer is yes. However, if you are one of those that think peppermint oil can absolve you of all of your past indiscretions, think again, you will need a priest or a rabbi for that. I of course was doubtful, but because I consider myself a good friend, but I figured I'd give it a go. As near as I could tell the only thing it did was make the bottom of my foot smell like a Christmas tree. But then it occurred to me that many of those products are simply psychosomatic. In other words, they work like a placebo in a scientific study, and they will cure you if you believe they will. I suppose a sugar pill is every bit as effective as Viagra if you believe in your heart, it will fix your problem. But I wouldn't hang the moon on it, nor the certainty of your nocturnal activities. Have no fear my friends, evidently homeostasis is but a spray of CBD oil away. I have not read the disclaimer so I have no idea if it will kill you but at least it sounds as if you will die happy.
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