Anytime we wish to stick our fingers in the eye of a big box store we have to be careful, don't we? These are the times we should refer to Mc Donalds as Mc Dowels like they did in the movie Coming to America. I know very little about corporate law, nor do I wish to learn. But if those lawyers think they are smart enough to get blood out of a turnip I say let them go crazy. Can I get an AMEN?!
In the light of full disclosure, I will admit I do still shop at the Dollar Store even though nothing within those four corners is still a buck. But I only shop there for two items, laundry soap and TP because it can be had for pennies on the dollar. How do they pull off such a hat trick? What is their secret? Or is it just fairly possible that the local grocery stores have the price of those items jacked up higher than an Oklahoma pot shop owner? And I should remind you that you cannot even walk into a Dollar store without tripping over something from China. From a "buy American" standpoint it might just be a place we want to steer clear of. This place is full to the brim with products I often refer to as "one use only products." They are cheaply made and ultimately not worth the cash we spend on them. Yet, for some reason many of us continue to fill our homes to the brim with such garbage.
To this day, the whole Covid/toilet paper grab fiasco still cracks me up. When you were faced with the idea you have to be locked down for a while was the first place your mind went was how you were going to clean your nether region? Clean drinking water, of course. Mountain Dew and beef jerky, possibly. But NOT TP! American have strange ideas about what we can and cannot do without, and our shopping habits are at times as bizarre as our lives. The Dollar Store is the apex of where the space time continuum crosses the age of reason. We coax them with our cash, and they return the favor by dazzling us with bullshit. It really is a fair trade.
Corporations use phrases like, for a limited time only, don't forget double coupon days, void where prohibited (except for New Jersey), and money back guarantee. So, what is their secret in New Jersey? Sometimes they are even cocky enough to offer us a new set of steak knives that can cut through an aluminum can as "a free gift." I say with my head hung low even I have fallen prey to the evil infomercial. I once bought a "Ronco Rotisserie Oven, "remember their catch phrase? SET IT AND FORGET IT. While I am sad that I too was duped I have to admit that some thirty years later it still works like a champ. It's a bit surprising what can become a good idea when we are stove up on our sofas at home with the flu, a credit card in our hands, and a snoot full of Nyquil.
People who run grocery stores all graduated from college with a business degree in advertising. You can always be sure that the sugar laden cereal your kids are going to beg for will be on their shelves at the child's eye level. You also probably realize that the staple products we all need every week like bread, eggs, and milk are going to be in the back of the store in order to promote impulse buys like breath mints, air fresheners, and the National Inquirer. These shysters know if you are required to walk by said product enough times you will eventually buy it, that's just the American way. Even when money is tight, we all play fast and loose at the checkout counter and American grocers depend on that weakness. They pipe lots of either A/C or heat in the store (depending on the time of year) to keep us in the store longer. The longer you are there the more cash you will spend, it's a certainty. They play smooth contemporary jazz like Kenny G to keep us dancing around the cantaloupes. And then there is always that despicable woman on isle 12 who is cooking up pineapple and Spam in an electric skillet. Why is it Spam always tastes better in the grocery store than it does at home? A LOT BETTER. I suppose mom was right when she said I should eat before I shop to keep the expense down but somehow that same logic doesn't apply at the liquor store.
Comments